Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
