I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
