I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
