The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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