Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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