whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
