its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
