Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
