Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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