She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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