Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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