it hurts more in the daytime
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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