Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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