Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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