I heard we made out
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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