I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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