whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
