I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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