Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
