Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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