We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
