if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
