Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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