ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
