I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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