Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
