Yo dont text me then not text me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
