so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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