i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
