i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
