The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
