If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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