pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
