I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
