All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
