Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
They have beer where we have blood.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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