so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
