apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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