he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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