Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize