you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
