When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
