It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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