seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
