chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
