problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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