the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
