I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize