i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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