My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
