Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
