I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
