i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
