I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
