I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
