I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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