my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Barsexuality is the new black.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize