Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
