His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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