Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
