Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
