and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
