why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
