i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
