White coat. Heels.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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