just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
