Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
