we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FUCK WHALES
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