FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
